The Housekeepers

​Shortly after diamond magnate, Wilhelm de Vries, dies, Mrs King is dismissed from her post as his housekeeper and decides to extract her revenge by planning a heist, removing all valuables from his mansion during a costume ball being planned by Wilhelm’s daughter, Miss de Vries.

To help in her plans, Mrs King calls upon other women who also once worked in the house and are now involved in various shady enterprises of their own. The plan requires a cast of what seems like hundreds of men and other women.

Initially, the novel is quite refreshing with its rapid and unvarnished narrative that has just the right amount of Edwardian background for flavour without going into florid exposition (although it does slip up with a few anachronisms).
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Alas, in spite of some humorous passages, this style ultimately suffers as it fails to give more depth to the characters which is vital in holding a reader’s attention for almost 400 pages. It takes just too long to get to the actual heist with its overloaded implausibility and off-kilter switches and twists, including a needless incestuous lesbian encounter, and a dispiriting sub-plot on sexual exploitation.

Apart from the inventive and amusing duo of the drab “Janes” who do much of the hard physical work and the flamboyant actress, Hephzipah Goodcourt, the other female gang leaders – Winnie, Mrs Bone and Mrs King – are fashioned from the same mould into a blur of middle-aged (even though they may not be) housekeepers. The males are nondescript and include a handsome footman, a lacklustre prospective aristocratic bridegroom, a dodgy lawyer and a “weasly-looking” boy who is some kind of spy. The way the imperious heiress, Miss de Vries, is written, I had to keep reminding myself “Madam” wasn’t some withered Miss Havisham type but was in her early twenties!

You can’t complain about plot holes in a parody novel like this, although a little more explanation wouldn’t go amiss. How the Housekeepers had sufficient clout in the tough masculine underworld and other vast resources at their disposal to carry out the practical side of the heist is never properly delineated; let alone how was it even possible that they could trust everyone in their massive gang of dubious individuals, that at least one of them wouldn’t squeal. I kept asking myself why isn’t there an appearance of some canny Scotland Yard detective who has had a whiff of the goings-on from a snitch? A lost opportunity for more mayhem!

In summary, although fun in parts, this ambitious far-fetched tale could have been saved by solely concentrating on its lighter side with more whimsy or wit. It’s a book that may well be adapted into a great TV or film script with the input of other creative individuals. Hence, three-plus stars for what is a cracking good idea, but borderline two stars for the way it has been told.

 
Amazon.com (Kindle)

Amazon.co.uk (Kindle)

Big W Australia (paperback)

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